I’ve been listening to the audio book Passion and Purpose by John Mackay, the person who started Whole Foods market. It’s more like a cd recording of a couple of talks he gave, and on the second CD, he, and the presenter, talk about fear. And really, he said a few things that I think are very appropriate for writers.
The one I’d like to focus on is this: fear is that edge where you find growth
I know I’ve been working on a project (my big damn fantasy novel, or Her Hungers) where I get butterflies in my stomach. I’m thinking “OMG, this is SO good it’s scary”. Or maybe, like my fantasy novel, it’s out of my “comfort zone.” Because the truth is, that as much as I want to write other genres, such as fantasy, science fiction, and even, yes, young adult works, my comfort zone, both inspiration-wise and financially is the romance genre. I know where I’m at here. If I get beyond the boundaries of a happily ever after, or a happy for now, those little voices in my head start to chatter at me. Oh no, I could never make any money doing this, because those ebooks don’t sell. And the chatter, along with the fear, stymie me, so I return to this genre (which I do love, please don’t get me wrong) and every so often peer over the fictional fence to the other side.
I’m pretty sure I’m not alone in this.
The trick, I think, lies in the second part of his answer about whether he feels fear. He says, fear is worry about the future. Fear doesn’t happen now.
That is profound and true. Right now, I’m writing a blog. I’m working on my to do list. I’m making plans and knowing where I want to go. Right now, I have no fear. Thinking about once I finish the two erotic romance series (and one sensual romance series) that I want to finish up and going from there, possibly delving more into those other genres, that scares me. What if I’m sabotaging my dreams by doing that? What if my choices ruin my chance at happiness?
Wait a minute! I have to pull myself back, take a deep breath (breathing is good), and know that right now, keeping my goals in mind and working toward them, I am on the right track. I am doing what my heart tells me to do. And how do you know what your heart tells you to do? Because you’re happy.
I thought about that. I happened to be driving at the time, because I was listening to the cd in the car as I ran errands. I’m happy when I’m working on Jupiter Gardens/Pink Petal Books/etc. stuff. I’m happy writing, though I’m happier when I’m writing certain genres. I’m not happy in my day job. (It’s okay, and it’s pretty awesome given what I get to do and my educational level, but really, let’s face it, it’s not fulfilling…it’s something I do so I can buy cat litter.) So, if I’m following my passion and finding my purpose, as this CD espouses (while following conscious capitalism, but that’s a different blog post), then I need to do MORE of what makes me happy.
I need to not think about the fear. It’s there. And it can guide me. But when I get that woogy feeling in my stomach, instead of flipping out, I need to breathe. And I need to remember that fear is the edge that helps me grow.
(Note: Obviously the fear here is more of a situational nature. There are times when fear is a warning sign of imminent danger, like walking in a dark alley at night. This blog is about the mental “I can’t” that comes from fear. That’s where your growth lies.)
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July 4th, 2009 at 7:18 pm
The only time I get that “I can’t” fear is around heights. Driving my rig over bridges is EXCRUCIATING. Nearly being blown off a bridge? I shook until I got home, 150 miles.
In writing, the story needing to come out is so much more powerful than my fear, I can’t stop it. It’s like birth in a way.
I find the Bene Gesserit have the right idea on the phantom fears:
I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain.
July 4th, 2009 at 7:22 pm
Oh that’s a gorgeous saying. Yeah, I have a lot of fear…heights…airplane flights…at least with my writing, or with projects, I can really draw on the principles of following my passion to find my purpose. One thing at a time.
And wow, almost being blown off a bridge…scary.
July 4th, 2009 at 8:44 pm
It was very scary. I was carrying empty shipping containers, things that look like a 4′ high metal cube skeleton with enormous hanging shoe organizers in them (if you replace the shoes with plastic car parts, dozens of the moldings that you step on when you get into a car). I weighed almost nothing and a 53′ rig in a high crosswind is an easy target.
The little U-Haul ahead of me got blown into my lane, but I was watching for that.